The Mummy (2017)

Co-authored by Betty Robertson.

Directed and Partly Written by: A Guy With 36 Producing Credits, 24 Writing Credits, and 4 Directing Credits (Alex Kurtzman)

Written by: Like Eight Different People, Including the Dude Who Wrote Jurassic Park (David Koepp), The Guy Who Wrote Edge of Tomorrow (Christopher McQuarrie), Career Bit Character Actor (Dylan Kussman), and, The Guy Who Wrote Doctor Strange (Jon Spaihts)

Starring: TOM CRUISE, Sofia Boutella, and some other folks

Here’s the thing. Neither of us wanted to see this movie. And yet we did.

Personally, I am furious that they’re rebooting what is essentially the perfect adventure movie. But Hollywood is reboot city these days and I guess they had to hit on something I love eventually. Betty wanted to be an archaeologist until she was twelve, so she has specialized knowledge of just how badly they messed up.

So here’s what we decided to do. We saw the movie. I popped open a bottle of wine, Betty poured herself a stiff, hard lemonade and we bitched about it over messenger for your amusement.

Sierra (me) is blue, Betty is grey. Also good descriptors of our moods. Is grey a mood?

About author

Film writer at Live in Limbo. Student, writer, filmmaker, dork. Follow her on Twitter @FictionalizedMe.